Cape Town – Hi, I’m Samareh Rahnavardi, growing up surrounded by guys was not easy at times. But for sure it had its portions of blessings in my life. It’s been giving me the wisdom and information to do all that I am doing today. I’m a Human behavior specialist, certified coach practitioner and public speaker.
I will tell you more about my background and life in other articles, for now let’s focus on what you ladies need to know. Or rather, what men wish you knew about them. In short, I’ve spent most of my childhood and teens having male friends. I was married to my best friend, we still are the best of friends. Which has helped us create a warm co-parenting environment for our daughter. More on that in other articles.
It’s #Movember month, and we are raising awareness on issues that affect men as well as celebrating them. As human behavior specialist and coach to women and men, I thought it necessary to highlight these important points. It is simple things that can change your life forever, if you truly honor the information and apply it. Over the next articles, I’ll help interact with men better. Be it professionally, romantically, friendship or family. You will be able to create fulfilling short or long-term relationships together.
1. Men have emotions too
They just show it differently to women. I think it is not fare how we women put men in a box and say they don’t have emotions. My guy friends have often told me that they also get upset when they don’t get a reply to their messages. They also feel insecure and sensitive when there is a competition and so on.
But they just have a different way of expressing it all. Mostly, men withdraw while us women may throw a tantrum or express with emotions. It is a difference in our nature that men and women behave differently. So please ladies, let’s give the guys a break and stop accusing them of being emotionless beings!
2. Men need to pull away sometimes
They need their alone time. Often when consulting with my lady clients I hear them complaining about their man keeping quiet for a few days. How he pulls away a bit and how it makes them feel insecure or uncomfortable, but I am here to tell you differently my ladies. To be honest when men pull away is actually a positive thing.
Because they are re-energizing and if you don’t allow them to do so, it will back fire at you.
Sometimes when men get so close with their emotions suddenly they kind of freak out. They just pull back a little bit to gain their balance and sense of power. It has nothing to do with you or whether they like you or not! Men need to go to their cave now and then, either alone or with their guy friends.
This actually re-energizes them and they come back enthusiastic with more of a positive attitude. But of course if you accept them and do not punish them for it. They are just wired differently and they act more like an elastic band. When they pull away they come back strongly. The less they are able to pull away, the more they lose enthusiasm and they get bored.
You must make sure to create such a life for yourself, full of fun and interest. So that when he is not around, your happiness and fulfillment won’t get affected. In fact you should be almost happy to give them that space because you also need it for yourself. That way, when he comes around you are both happy to re-bond.
3. He wants to be the only hero in your eyes
I am going to say it and I know it is the truth as I have done my research on this one and every single man I asked said the same thing and yet they all said “but promise you don’t mention my name on this one’ and so I didn’t.
Here is the truth, no matter how long you have been together, a day or a decade or more, he wants you to always remind him, yourself and others that he is your number one hero.
Men are so competitive, whether they confess it to you or not, they love to know and believe that you truly think he is your savior and the champion knight of your story.
So I suggest if you truly care about him and love him dearly, remember to now and then show your appreciation and gratitude; for his hard work towards creating success and bringing smiles on your lips. Believe me, men know it very well when they are being an asshole, so they don’t need you to keep reminding them of it.
But they do need you to acknowledge their good deeds, that is just how they are. Of course everybody loves to hear some “thank you” or words of appreciation. Men kind of need to hear it more than women do, they’d rather be appreciated and then be loved. Which is opposite to a woman’s need of being loved first and then be appreciated second. It is just a different behavioral pattern and understanding.
Well I hope the tips I have mentioned can expand your awareness in your interaction with men and help you understand their nature more; which is quite different to us as women. But it is wise to remember that at the end of the day, either men or women, regardless of age, skin color or background would love to be loved. Also to be appreciated for who they are, who wouldn’t wish for unconditional love or acceptance? That one thing makes us all human regardless of our gender. Well after all love is the language, that every heart speaks.
I will write to you again soon. Feel free to leave your comments if you want to know more. Or send me a message on Facebook; Samareh Lilith Rahnavardi