MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA – I’m Sohan Gokarn, Founder & CEO of Business Works (formerly known as Coach With Sohan). I also Host a global podcast “Destination For Greatness”. My passions are coaching and consulting individuals and businesses. At the same time, I love having a lot of fun and empowering other forward-thinking folks by helping them achieve their passion in life.
As an entrepreneur, international trainer, productivity coach and an inspirational speaker; I interact with women on a daily basis. I help them get past what stops them from getting what they want in life. Mainly related to three things: health, wealth and relationships.
“I dream of millions of people and businesses making worthwhile accomplishments. I dream of millions raising happiness and living extraordinary lives.
Share my vision. See the real change for yourself.”
#AskHim Q & A with Sohan Gokarn
Men are said to be weary of doing business with women these days, they’re scared of being sued for sexual harassment.
1. What do you really think about women who are in leadership positions or own a business?
This is extremely overrated and it’s caused by the media and social media. Yes there are cases where women have been sexually harassed at work but I don’t believe it’s to the extent that it’s portrayed lately. There are movements like #metoo and other conversations happening but the media is using it to cause fear and scarcity.
And, how do you think women should conduct themselves around you as a man?
Because of the above statement, women are forced to work 10 x harder than any male in order to justify their significance and presence in the room. It shouldn’t be that way. Not when we are in an era where men understand gender equality. We come from a time where there was no proof that a woman can stand on her own but now there’s plenty of that.
I think women should stick to their core because there a lot of things that they can do, that men cant. For example; multi-tasking, organizing, planning, strategizing and so much more. Women have the natural gift to deliver in their own true power. I think women are doing an outstanding job in business and leadership positions. They can play the same role as men.
2. What’s your definition of a powerful woman?
I think the most powerful woman is one who can empower both males and females. It’s more of a duty now for a woman to realize that she can empower herself, because it’s been done so many times before. There was never a rule that women couldn’t do so, it was imposed by society.
I think that women can allow themselves to come out of the social pressure and do the same things that men are. That to me is a powerful woman, one who has changed her mind about what society says she can’t do – and what she allows herself to do.
3. Do you think that the movement of “Women Empowerment” is victimizing both men and women?
Yes, absolutely in many aspects. For instance words like ‘abuse’ are used so loosely and commonly as the weather. And it’s not fair to the women and men that want to step up, to support the movement. It can easily be taken out of context, it isn’t about superiority, we should be equal.
But it’s also victimizing women in the sense that they’ve become very competitive towards each other. When in fact they could be collaborating. There’s so much pressure. And it’s not necessarily caused by the people who started the movement. It can be just a small group of people who wanted it to suit their own agenda; and that’s how it spreads.
On the other hand, it’s victimizing men because the notion is now, “I am not allowed to speak up, I have to suppress myself”; In order to let a woman shine. Which was not the purpose of empowering women. It becomes a case of self belief and the stories that people create, that are victimizing instead of empowering.
4. Do you think that women are still victims of society or are they becoming bullies without knowing?
There are still cases of women are being victims of society yes. And there are also women who are becoming bullies. Why? In human psychology we look at the different archetypes; a man is made up of the boy (immature) and man (responsible) archetype. While the woman is made of the warrior (protector) and the goddess (nurturer) archetypes. Some people call that the masculine and feminine energies.
The bullying comes into play when the warrior (protector) within a woman has become so strong that it overpowers the goddess (nurturer). Women needed the warrior archetype to face the world and fight the war of the past. In order for the goddess to step up and play her role. Which is to love, nurture, care, have compassion etc.
The problem starts when the warrior within a woman is in constant fight mode, and the goddess is forced to take a seat, out of fear of being victimized again. I’m not saying the warrior archetype isn’t necessary, it is. For instance, a single mom who has to take care of the home and work has a lot of responsibilities; the warrior helps with that.
It becomes unhealthy when the warrior in a woman is too competitive towards other women; at work for example. They ostracize, throw others under and become super bossy when there’s really no need to be that way.
5. How does the warrior (protector) vs goddess (nurture) archetype play out in romantic relationships?
A woman who chooses to stay in warrior mode may end up in a relationship with a man who’s dominated by the “boy” archetype. The reason why people blame is because they don’t want to take responsibility for the choices they make.
If a woman chose to stay in the warrior archetype, she’s obviously going to clash with male who has the “man (responsible)” archetype. If you have two protectors, who’s going to nurture? Should a man chose to take on the “boy” archetype in order to accommodate his lover; he may be soft but he won’t be able to nurture. Remember he is immature; and while he is that way, the woman who’s chosen to be the “protector” won’t like a soft man in warrior mode.
She may want a man, but she won’t get a manly man if she’s the warrior. She needs to allow her inner goddess to step up, because that lights up a man like a christmas tree.
It’s a very interesting dynamic and a lot to get through in one article – this is what I help women and men with, in relationship coaching as well. Those need more clarity can contact me here.
6. Do you think it’s better that a woman tells you how she wants you to make love to her? OR Does it make you feel insecure?
I think that’s the best thing to tell a man how you’d like to be pleased. A man gets his significance from how he makes his woman feel alive in the bedroom.
It’s almost like marketing and branding, where there’s always a hook to create curiosity. Likewise for a woman, it’s how she expresses herself about what she’d like, to get turned on. She doesn’t need to explain the details; but how it would make her feel.
Also, she should tell him with tact; not say “Uh you know that thing you did, I don’t like it”. Not because it crushes a man’s ego which is the common misconception. But because it affects his human needs. There are six needs in human psychology; and if you tell a man that he is not fulfilling any of those, it makes him feel insignificant.
So do it in a way that makes it fun and full of adventure. Men won’t always initiate the conversation first out of fear of rejection. There are cases where men just settle for a “basic sex life” because they may have tried something once, with another woman and got rejected. In that case, he will never try it again, unless you initiate it. Now do you see why it’s important to make it about the adventure of the journey? Make it exciting to discover each other’s pleasures.
Because when he is told that he isn’t significant in the bedroom, he will turn to other things that make him feel significance. Like another woman (cheating) or his job or business.
7. What do you think could bring men and women closer to understanding each other?
Both men and women need to be educated about how to communicate with each other. Women speak in riddles and men speak in a straight line.
When a woman says to a man, “I don’t want to see you again”, that’s not what she may mean. She wants him to figure out that she actually wants to spend more time with him. But a man will take what you say literally.
Also understand that men don’t know how to be Sherlock Holmes, they don’t know what you want them to “figure out”. Ultimately a man wants to make his woman happy, because it gives him significance when you are pleased with him. But he can’t do that, if you communicate one thing but mean another.
In the same way, men need to take time to understand the communication style of a woman. Again, it all comes down to education. Which is what I help my clients with in relationship coaching.