CAPE TOWN, SOUTH AFRICA – Meet Samareh Lilith Rahnavardi, also known as Coach Sam. She’s a positive psychology coach practitioner, Demartini method facilitator, entrepreneur, public speaker and editor of the “Powered by Sam” column right here at Her Grit Magazine. Coach Sam travels the world and has clients from as young as teenagers to seniors; she’s changing lives by reprogramming the subconscious mind for success. Be it in education, life, relationships, family or business. As this month’s cover feature, we’ve asked Coach Sam to teach us in depth about positive psychology and how we can being to use it to change our lives.
What is Positive Psychology?
Positive Psychology is one of the tools that I use. I also use a lot of the Demartini Method. But my focus is on mental mastery; it is the foundation of everything.
Mental Mastery is when you learn to reprogram what you have been programmed to do as a child; it’s when you believe you cannot do something regardless of all the limitations you’ve learnt.
You’ve learnt to surrender to fears, it’s all programmed in your subconscious. I help people to reprogram their subconscious into a mindset of success, rather than limitations, fears, destructive belief systems, and all what we’ve been programmed to feel since childhood. That program has been set since birth till 7 years of age and then from people, media, newspapers, television, radio.
When you were young, from 0-7, the subconscious was like a funnel, whatever you hear or see, just slips in, and it all sits there, and you are programmed to become that. It is at this time that a child’s perceptions of the world are downloaded and formed. At the age of 7, it starts to close up because you start to develop thinking.
Reprogramming the Subconscious Mind
To create success you must change and reprogram your subconscious to a success mindset. I constantly work on the subconscious, when I coach. I ask constructive questions that help me see what is underlined in their subconscious, then I help them change those belief systems; they become a person with the attitude and behavior of a successful person. And what you believe you are in the moment, you become. That, is my speciality in Human Behavior.
I help you change and reprogram your subconscious so that you can become a person who has got the attitude and behavior of success and victory towards life, business, people, relationships, challenges, work, and anything you take on in this life.
The behavior of a victim when something happens to them; they just give up, blame it on luck and think they are unlucky. However, a person with a success mindset would say, “life didn’t happen to me it happened for me, let’s see what I can do about it.” They are optimistic, and that’s where positive psychology comes in.
Positive psychology in summary is the study of happiness, flourishing, and what makes life worth living. Optimistic people can become creative, they get sad and cry, but when they’re weak, they get up. The pessimist sits and stays a victim maybe for years. This traces back to whatever happened to them as a child and they never did anything about it, and this is because no one was there to give a different perception, expand their awareness, and help drop the baggage and make themselves light.
That’s what it is, you need to rid yourself of all emotional baggage and become light, so that you can go on in life, rather than constantly living in your memory of the past. This helps clear the mind, expand your awareness, heal, transform, and feel the moment so that you can make things happen.
Identifying the Problem
Firstly, I help recognize the problem; because avoiding it and being vague about it won’t solve it. I help them narrow it down until you clearly find the problem. Sometimes you don’t recognize your problem, that’s why I send questions to assess the problem and define it.
The quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask yourself and others, so I help them by asking questions first to truly recognize the problem at hand. Then, I help them understand what are the possibilities for them if they can overcome this problem their minds start expanding they get inspired because they start seeing the possibilities for them, if they solve the problem. Then we start working on how to solve the problem, and that would be from starting on your mindset and then I bring in the tools that can empower them during their journey.
Behavior is your attitude towards life. Imagine this: a woman that wakes up every morning, uninspired, constantly living in the past of what happened yesterday or before, and has a victim mentality. She lives through life with low and tired vibration and no appreciation or gratitude of herself, life, or others. Others don’t like to be around this type of people. Therefore, automatically, she has less opportunities, less friends, and less interaction. Versus a woman who wakes up, who has challenges and problems like everyone else, but she thinks, “let me count all my blessings rather than think about my problems.” She has optimism, hope and faith, knowing that she could be better, knowing that she can go on, without carrying a “giving-up” mentality. This type of people can have multiple problems, but they still carry a smile, and they attract people around them, they don’t throw their problems on other people, they embrace and appreciate life, they make connections, they get opportunities, and suddenly the problems is solved.
I have worked with people who are diagnosed with depression and anxiety. If they are on a very high prescription, I wouldn’t say take it or don’t take it, however, I definitely help them change their view of life. Because it’s a filter, I help them change the filter with which they look at life. When you have anxiety it means there are underlying big fears, it means you are a person who worries, and you have doubt all the time. I help them learn how to mentally overcome fears. I teach them the tools. Depression is an unbalanced view of reality, which leads to not having certain hormones you need to have in your brains. Like serotonin, the hormone of happiness. That’s one of the things I help them create in their life with nutrition, natural remedies, some activities, and a routine they create for themselves. It happened that some people came off medication because of that.
When you wake up, from the moment you open your eyes, you are in a relationship; with yourself, with the world, with your computer, with your pillow, with every little thing that you do, you are actually in a relationship. The universe is like a boomerang, what you throw out there, comes back to you. In relationships all the same, what you give into a relationship will be given back to you. We are exactly projecting onto other people, what we allow into ourselves. The trick is that, we create the relationship around us, so people treat us the way we unconsciously treat ourselves.
When I start a relationship subject with a client, I start firstly by working on the relationship they have with themselves. I make sure to help them expand their awareness, we first point their finger at themselves. At the end of the day, I always say that we cannot change the people around us, we can only change ourselves. When we change ourselves then the way people around us treat us will change.
Everybody wants to be loved and appreciated for who they are, so when you start loving and appreciating yourself for who you are, then people around you suddenly become what you want them to be. Because you have respect and unconditional love for yourself, then automatically people around you do the same.
So, when I work with relationships, I first ask what is the type of relationship that my client has with themselves? Is it constructive? Is it healthy? Is it destructive? Is it self-criticizing? Is there unconditional love towards the self?
People pleasing behavior
When someone has an unhealthy relationship with themselves, I see a lot of self-criticism comes out, there are those who are very cruel to themselves, they are not kind to themselves. Not giving themselves permission to be who they are. And they struggle because they find those around them are pushing them around and they don’t have a say. These are people pleasers who are scared of not having approval, they are constantly thinking of how to please people instead of focusing on their own journey.
They indulge in things that aren’t good for them because they don’t have self-respect. I do that with my young daughter, I teach her self-respect, and I can see how she thinks highly of herself.
Be Kind to Yourself First
When you change, you suddenly become this pleasant person, because people become inspired by you. When you’re kinder to yourself, your vibration changes, you start praising yourself for the little things that you do. It’s not vanity or pride or arrogance, it’s literally self-appreciation. That little praise gives you self-confidence. When you give permission to yourself to be who you are, this is liberation and freedom, you gain a relaxed aura and charm, and you become a magnet for love and attention.
People pleasing makes people clingy, and people always run away from clingy people. When you stop pleasing people and start pleasing yourself, it means you are not an attached person and you are emotionally independent. I help you become a magnet for love and opportunity. You create inner magnetism.
Authentic Magnetism is when people are drawn to you for who you are, they want to be around you and feed on your inspiration and enthusiasm. Superficial Magnetism is when people are just around you to get what they want from you, it’s not for you, it’s for the opportunities you offer. Authentic magnetism attracts people to you for who you are no matter what, whether you have opportunities or not they are just genuinely there for you.
I would definitely like people to know that if they compare themselves to others, it’s basically suicidal behavior. Success is a mental state of mind. It has nothing to do with how much money you have, what your position in life is, what car you drive. People unfortunately measure success through that and that’s wrong! You can have nothing, but your aim is just as simple as to graduate with high grades. Success is relevant. You have set a goal and you have managed to achieve it. It’s all about your values, and you work towards them, and you become successful.
“Search for success in your day-to-day life. Find success in your smallest bit of work that help you reach your goal.”
Success is all about having a goal and achieving it.