October 23, 2020

Photo: Roelse Events

I Found Purpose and Empowerment in All My Pain

CAPE TOWN, SA – Never in a million years did I ever think that I would turn into the woman I am today. Not after being sad, lonely, depressed and overweight for so many years. I managed to transform myself into the vivacious, bold, self-accepting and confident young woman I am today.  I never knew that learning to love myself would become my purpose and lead me to teach other women to be confident. My name is Candice Lynn Christians and this is how I found my purpose and empowerment.

Empowerment After Divorce

I have found so much strength in the midst of all my pain and in doing so, I have found my voice again. After my divorce was finalized on 18 December 2017, I found so much peace. And, everything I was lacking in my life came back in overflow.

I claimed 2018 as my year of growth and victory. As a result, I have grown so much in these few months and are doing things I never thought were ever possible for me. Just imagine, I am doing ramp modeling at the age of 35!

This year I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, because I believe nothing great happens in a place of comfort. I decided to take every opportunity to help make a difference in women’s lives. To show them that there is hope and much more to life than we see.

I know that there are millions of women around the world who share similar stories.

Stories filled with so much pain, heartache and disappointment. In those moments we feel so alone, but little do we know that there are millions of women dealing with the same issues.

Never Bow Down to Problems

When you have been through so many things in life, you would expect me to bow down to my problems. But instead I made my problems bow down to me.

For you as the readers, to understand a little bit more about where I came from, allow me to share a few incidents in my life with you. I grew up without a father, never knew him, he was just a figment of my imagination. A father who existed, but who was never there.

My mother got married to a man who couldn’t stand the sight of me. So she left me with my grandparents and they raised me.

On weekends when I visited my mother, my stepdad would get so drunk that he would throw a glass of wine in my face. This happened every time I visited them. My mother and step dad would fight, and the next day I would go home.

I am so glad that my mother divorced him and is now married to a wonderful man; who loves and respects everyone. I love that my mother is now happy.

When I reached high school, I was tormented and bullied by the matric (senior) girls on a daily basis. It got so bad, that I was afraid to go to school every day. I hated school because they made my grade 8 (junior) a miserable year for me.

Have you ever been bullied by your own friend? I have and it is not a good place to be. They shut me out completely and I sat alone during lunch breaks. In class they spoke about me while I was sitting at the same desk as them. And, at times I felt so helpless and so angry that I just kept quiet.

It hurts when people make up stuff about you.

Fear of Dating

When it came to dating, I was afraid to get into serious relationships.  I would date a guy for 3 months and then make up excuses as to why we needed to break up. I was afraid of getting hurt.

At the end of grade 12 (senior high school), I met a guy whom I fell deeply in love with. I decided to give him a chance and gave my heart to him. Little did I know that 5 years down the line he would break my heart into a million pieces. I caught him in bed with someone.

And, to make matters worse, he lied to everyone, including my friends and told them that I was psycho. That he and this girl were just sitting on the bed with their clothes on, talking.

Because of this I went into a state of a deep and dark depression. I withdrew myself completely from everyone. Literally sat in a dark room, drank and cried myself to sleep every single day for a year. I suffered in silence and had a permanent knot in my throat everyday.

Just imagine what it feels like to want to cry all day, everyday and the pain just don’t want to go away. I was able to relate to people who want to commit suicide because the constant pain becomes unbearable.

Alcohol, Joy, Pain & Food

I became rebellious, started drinking and partying my life away. I had no vision and didn’t care about life anymore.

On the dating scene, it seemed that every guy I dated wanted to use me in some type of way.  And, this made me feel broken, sad, lonely and unworthy again. That’s when I turned to food for comfort. It didn’t help because I gained weight.

Then I met my ex husband and fell pregnant with our daughter after a year of dating. I didn’t want my child to grow up without a father like I did, so we got married.

This was the biggest mistake I could have ever made. I suffered in science for years being with his man. Nobody knew my pain, not even my family.

He would disappear for a weekend, every 2 months and would come home drunk on the Monday, like nothing happened.

It got so bad, that when we went out he would drink himself to a pulp and get aggressive with me.

I started isolating myself from my friends and didn’t want to go out anymore. So I turned to food, it was my source of comfort.  I gained more than 18 kilograms. And every time, I looked at myself in the mirror I felt sad, depressed and lonely.

I questioned myself and asked, who am I? Because the reflection I see staring back at me was not me.

Purpose Started Destiny Unlocked Blog

At the end of June 2016, I started my blog called Destiny Unlocked Blog. It was an outlet for me to share my stories with other women, in hopes that I could encourage them.

Within 2 months, I received requests for collaborations and my husband was not impressed with the attention I was getting. The more I grew, the more he tried to break me down. Every time I got excited about an opportunity or collaboration, he’d say, “Do you think you’re famous now?”

I started going to the gym because I felt, I needed to be fit and healthy again. I hated feeling sluggish, overweight and uncomfortable. So I took the opportunity to get my groove back. And, he hated that!

The more he saw me starting to become confident about my body, the more he accused me of going to gym for guys.  It seemed that everything I was doing to help improve myself became a problem for him.

So, I decided to workout at home.

One evening I came across a sermon by Bishop T.D Jakes called Destiny Stepping into Purpose and I was immediately touched by the word. I felt like it was meant just for me. There was also book called Destiny Stepping Into Purpose and I bought it immediately.  My spiritual eyes opened from the first day I started reading it.

Are You For Me Or Against Me?

I started seeing who was for me and who was against me and immediately began to recognize my worth. In September 2016, I left my husband. Later that year I saw a photo of him and another woman in our house on WhatsApp.  Of course I was hurt and furious, because I always suspected him of cheating. But, when people found out that I’d left him, all his skeletons came out of the closet.

2017 was a year of hell for me. Not many people know this, but it was one of the hardest years of my life. I was attacked in every way. I really suffered. That’s why I decided to claim 2018 as my year of growth and victory.

I started working on my mind, body and soul. Constantly fed my mind and soul with motivational books and tapes on a daily bases to keep myself going.  I also worked on my appearance because that was an area of insecurity for me. Went to gym religiously, lost weight, toned my body and it felt GOOD! Another thing I did was to go big and all natural.

I was embracing myself again and slowly but surely, my confidence came back again. So many people complain about their situations but do absolutely nothing to get themselves out of it.

They become stuck and blame others because they aren’t where they want to be. I took my life back. It was my choice and I made it. I chose to a better life, not only for me but for my daughter too.

My Purpose and Women 

I’m a single mom, curvy model, body positive activist, motivational blogger, founder of women empowerment movement and an advocate for women. And, I do all of this while working a full-time job.

I have big plans for my blog called Destiny Unlocked Blog. I plan to share more about myself this year. There’s so much I’ve been holding back because I was waiting for the right time to share it with my followers and I think the time is now.

I also have major plans for my new women empowerment movement called You are Phenomenal. This movement started 2 months ago and so many people have shown interest.

I am planning to release 2 online talk shows by the end of this year, with the hopes to empower women in mind, body and soul.

I am also working on a women empowerment sound track. I’m collaborating with two female artists who’ve written songs for the movement.  It should be released by the end of this year. My plan is to create an actual album with various female artists on it sharing messages of hope for women all over the world.

Everything I do is funded out of my own pocket without any assistance. It becomes hard sometimes, when you have so many ideas and must wait for funds before you can share it with the world.

My passion in life is to help put smiles on the faces of women again. I am doing this because I know how it feels to be alone. Therefore, I’m creating a platform where women can feel safe and supported.

During my journey called life, I’ve come to realize that there is nothing you can’t do. Everything you go through in life, happens for a reason and with purpose.

Take it from me, I found my purpose in my own pain. If you ever need someone to talk to or join The You Are Phenomenal Movement, feel free to follow my Destiny Unlocked Blog . 

Or Facebook Page: You Are Phenomenal – Candice Lynn Christians 

Instagram: @you_are_phenomenal_

Facebook Profile (PM): Candice Lynn Christians 

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I Found Purpose and Empowerment in All My Pain

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